A Crowded Room


“Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?” – Dark BlueJack’s Mannequin

Lately it feels like the lyrics of that song are incredibly too familiar.

I am surrounded by people day in and day out. My students come and go, the phone calls never seem to stop, and honestly, the day only gets busier as it progresses.

But for some reason… it all feels like a blur. Like I am standing still while everything around me just keeps moving faster and faster.

I’ve come to the realization that out of everyone around me, the one I want beside me is not here. That I’ve been going through the motions just because I have no other choice.

I can’t say realizing it is a bad thing. If anything…at least I know the state I am in. There’s nowhere to go but up, right? (Even as I type this, I laugh. Sometimes it is tiring to see the glass half full.)

But hey, every day can’t be perfect and every day is a new day…that’s what keeps me going.

Boy. Girl. Ring.


Boy. Girl. Ring.

If those three words could tell our story, it’s seriously all I would write.

You know how people do cleansing diets to get all the toxins out? I’m learning that sometimes we have to do that with actual people. But… it becomes so difficult when the “toxic substance” is the only one that makes you feel alive.

The past few days have been full of goodbyes and well, this is another one of those “cleansing” thoughts.  

I admit…it doesn’t get cuter than this:

An electrical engineer making a ring out of one of his wires? Perfect gift.

And while I love this ring and the person who made it more than I could ever explain… it is time for me to choose me.



P.S. I love you, too.


Dearest X,

I finally got the message. Your call finally came through. After years of misunderstandings and miscommunication, I finally understand.

You called to say “I love you”, but knew your words were too late. You called to say “I miss you” but the words got lost in transition. Like always.

But I finally got the message. I finally understand.

I understand how important it is to share thoughts. Feelings. To never let a moment pass us by.

I understand that taking life for granted only leads us to miss some of the best moments of our lives.

So… thank you. Thank you for helping me understand that bad signal is like a broken record. Just because the beauty of the music is there, nothing stops distortions from keeping us from hearing the true value of the melody.

But in reality…we can’t blame bad signal anymore. So even though your message took forever to come through, I finally get it.

I finally understand. But as always… a bit too late.



P.S. I love you, too.